Sometimes, just sometimes..

Sometimes I think that I already have my perfect comfort live in my country -of course it's about my city Surabaya- before. I have beautiful family, I have a lovely cute love, I have an amazingly fun job, I did my hobbies perfectly -cosplay, draw, read-, I have a lot of time just to fulfill my laziness in bed, I have amazing perfect community just like family.. I already have all I need.. 

That's my comfort zone. I'm not found it, I build it. I'm set that happiness in my frame piece by piece.. That's not easy of course, take years for make that perfect zone to living.. I've done extremely good for this line up..

So I started to confuse, after what I've done, why I'm here now.. Why I must struggling here while I have that perfectly comfort live at that far away land.. Why?

And I know, it's all Because I'm  human. There's no eternal thing in human life. And human need to moving for stay alive. That's bullshit when people say "I stop now, this is my last journey". Just wait until they know they have drowned. (It's okay if you don't agree with me, it's your business.) And I think maybe if I late to moved before, that's "perfect comfort live" will be "perfect bored and what should I do live". It will be too boring to continue but too scared to leave, too fear to live without. If I have drowned at that fear, my past years will become a zero, nothing. 

I want to have an amazing comfort live forever. I want that comfort zone, stay to be my comfort zone. Although I must to move it, although I must leave it, but I'll keep that perfect comfort zone in my head, it will be stay forever in my heart, in my memories. And you know, we just can found eternalness in memories. Keep, in my heart, forever.

So I choose this side. I choose to move. I choose to leave. And here I am. With a brand new life. I will starting to build my another comfort zone again. It will take a years too like my last one. But, It will be as amazing as before. It will be as fun as before. Just grade up the level, grade up the pain. And I will make the best again. Enjoy the process. Stay alive.

Akar - Biru

Bodhi menatap biru. Laut yang menganga.

“Aku menebarkan abumu di lautan tiga tahun lalu. Kamu seharusnya sudah mati Kell.”

Kell yang sejak tadi duduk disampingnya tertawa. “Kita memiliki pemahaman yang berbeda tentang kematian Bodhi. Aku memang mati, tetapi tidak.”

 “Bisa jelaskan dengan lebih manusiawi Kell?”

Kell tertawa lagi. “Ini tentang dimensi, Bodhi. Dan kamu seharusnya nggak disini, tugasmu belum selesai.”

“Kata-katamu semakin terbang, Kell. Aku sama sekali nggak ngerti.”

“Ada pengetahuan yang tidak akan dipahami meski sudah dijelaskan. Pengetahuan akan datang sendiri saat waktu sudah memilih.”

Bodhi diam, dia tahu tidak akan bisa memaksa Kell menjawab pertanyaannya. Dia memilih untuk menikmati biru dan waktu bersama sahabatnya.

“Aku tidak habis pikir, kenapa manusia bisa sangat takut untuk pergi dari sana. Mereka lebih memilih mati-matian untuk hidup, padahal hidup mereka seperti mati. And that’s your job Bodhi, to make them alive. Hidup yang sebenarnya.”

Bodhi ingin menimpali saat melihat kilasan senyum Kell. Tiba-tiba ada yang mengetuk angkasa, biru menjadi buram. Dalam satu kedipan,  yang terlihat adalah jam weker, kamar kos yang tidak asing. Mimpi.

Kembali dalam realita, Bodhi terdiam. Sedangkan di realita yang berbeda Kell duduk menatap laut. Dalam lingkaran waktu yang sama kedua sahabat itu tersenyum.

Terima kasih telah mengunjungiku.